I made a fitness/betterment blog for myself. Follow it if you care to, although there’s nothing on it yet!
Hold On To What You Believe
What gets me is when girls complain that guys only like them for their bodies and what not, but then they will only date guys who have posters upon posters of naked girls around their houses and apartments. Maybe you’ll realize one day.
To Be Pursued…
I wholeheartedly believe that everyone is capable of emotion wants to be pursued in some sort of way. Girls may have that urge more often than guys, but even still, a man longs to be loved and cherished by someone. The most important of these is God himself. If we worried about God’s feelings towards us and His longing for us as much as we thought about our own feelings and longings towards other people, there would be a whole new life to live. Priorities are always an important aspect of someone’s life, and we all want to be someone’s priority. I don’t think that God put us here on this earth to be selfish in our learnings, to ignore what’s right, or to keep to ourselves. Living in koinonia (a word for fellowship and sharing in common with other Christians) requires all the skills we have as individuals to be brought together to live in a peaceful bliss. And being selfless and loving in all things we do is a major part of that. Love is everything, but someone once told me that love is mostly a verb, rather than a warm fuzzy feeling. I’m learning how to love and I find that person to be very wise in their teachings. Love requires a great deal of patience, compromise, communication, trust, listening, having the ability to act out your love for something or someone, and much, much more. It’s an on-going adventure, but is vital for living. “Tender and inviting, intimate and alluring, fiercely devoted. Oh yes, our God has a passionate and romantic heart*.” It’s in us too.
*A quote from Captivating written by John and Stasi Eldridge
Let live and God Bless,
10 Truths to Keep Your Relationship Healthy
1. Successful relationships take work. They don’t happen in a vacuum. They occur when the couples in them take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their hearts and heads.
2. You can only change yourself, not your partner. If you love someone and think that after a while he or she will alter behaviors you find uncomfortable, think again. If you want changes, put them on the table. so your partner knows what you need.
3. All arguments stem from our own fear or pain. When upset occurs, check out what’s going on inside of you rather than get angry with your partner. Truth is that we usually aren’t upset for the reasons we think we are.
4. Understand that men and women are very different. We’re not from Mars or Venus; we’re not even in the same solar system. Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting, and fun.
5. Honor each other in some way every day. Every morning you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by recommitting to your mate. Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much nicer.
6. Anger is a waste of time. Anger is also a relationship killer, because it makes you self-absorbed and won’t allow you to see the good. If you are annoyed with your mate, give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss what’s going on for you.
7. Get regular tune-ups. Go to a couples workshop, talk with a counselor, or read a relationship book together at least once a year. Even if you don’t think you need it, you will pick up a couple of ideas, and the process alone will strengthen your connection.
8. Find a way to become and stay best friends. For some this sounds unromantic, but for those who live it, most say it’s the best part of their time together.
9. Be responsible for your own happiness. No other person can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. If you feel it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within to find out what piece may be missing for you.
10. Give what you want to get. Our needs change with time. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more. It’s a simple program that really works.
There are no guarantees, but couples who practice these techniques have longer and stronger relationships than those who are not proactive in their love.
——Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.
signs, signs, everywhere signs.
This weekend has opened my eyes so much. All of this quality time has made me see a lot of things. And I know that our praying and thinking about it is definitely working and we are definitely in the right place. All of the conversations that have been brought up have taught me a lot about who and what I want. It really has been one of the best weekends I’ve ever had, even though it was as simplistic as ever. It’s just what I needed. I don’t think it’s by chance…You and I both know that God has a major plan. Patience is definitely the key here, but I’m willing to wait and see what happens. As it has been brought to our attention throughout the weekend through different things (signs, I’m telling you…they’re everywhere), “the best things come to those who wait”.
There’s only an hour left of Valentine’s Day.
Tell someone how much they mean to you or how much you cherish their friendship or love or admire them. It will brighten their night right up.
A vow to myself.
Conversations with very close friends within the past few weeks and my actions within the past few months have made me realize something very important in my life. I haven’t been living it right, for one. And that saddens me so much. Not many people know about it. I’ve been a hypocrite of all sorts, and I wish more people knew about everything so they could call me out on it way earlier. I almost lost a best friend because of it, from breaking her heart continuously, and not really caring what I was doing. Relationships are one of the most important things in my life right now, and I definitely don’t need to screw any more up. I’ve been “having fun” the way I’ve been living, but not actually happy with the way things were. And by “having fun”, I mean doing what everyone else was doing. Falling victim to the normal sins of college students. That’s all I was doing, right? …But I think now, it’s time to make a change. I’m tired of being around weed and drugs and alcohol 4 days out of a week. I’m tired of talking to guys that are totally wrong for me. I’m tired of giving bits of me away. I am stronger than all of that. I used to be, at least. Until I was broken down. I’m regaining my strength though, you better believe it. I have appreciated all of the little things that people have done for me lately. It has made me a much happier person. And I have found someone I can really connect to in many ways, and it’s absolutely wonderful. This person makes me want to be a much better person that I am, and follow what God lays on my heart and in my life. I don’t need to take actions according to my own desires. And I need to be especially patient with everything - especially in the whole dating scene. Too many boys in such a short period of time, and none of them were worth anything I went through. I am remaining single and free of that kind of engagement in my life right now. I need to focus on God and myself, and becoming the person that I want to be. Because I now know what I am looking for in myself, my friends, my decisions, and a future man. I’m tired of people taking relationships so lightly, passing around the word “love” like it’s a dog toy. I want my future relationships with God and other people to have meaning and purpose. To be pursued. To last. That is what I am aiming for, and I just have to be patient in my wanting.
For all the Christian guys out there…
by Drew Dyck
Have you ever heard the fairytale about the princess in shining armor? You know the story. She crosses an ocean, slays a dragon and rescues the man she loves?
Wait. You’ve never heard that one?
OK, neither have I.
Why? Because fairytales are always the other way around — the man fights for the woman. He takes the risks. He battles the beast. He pursues her.
Now I realize that fairytales are stereotypical, admittedly even a little sexist. But they do contain a measure of truth. These whimsical tales we learn as children mirror a deep-seated longing in the soul of every man and woman.
This article isn’t about fairytales. I bring them up only to highlight what I see as a growing problem in the church: young Christian men unable (or unwilling) to actively pursue a potential spouse. Rather than saddling up the proverbial steed, many guys seem to be languishing in the tower, waiting for their princesses to stumble upon them.
If that’s you, then I have some no-nonsense advice: It’s time to man-up and take the lead in the romance department. And don’t hide behind the whole too-holy-for-love façade. When you meet “the one,” pursuing her with all your heart is the most spiritual thing you can possibly do.
Let me explain.
Recently I was talking to a godly, attractive and single woman. She was exasperated.
“What’s wrong with Christian guys?” she asked me. “They never go after you!”
She was getting plenty of attention from men outside the church, yet the guys at her congregation seemed reluctant to be much more than friends.
A few weeks earlier I had received an email from a young man looking for advice. His questions echoed the problem I’d heard lamented from the other side of the gender divide. My interlocutor was plagued with, what seemed to him, insoluble questions: Should he date a woman from church? If so, how could he be sure he was going for God and not girls? And what if things didn’t work out? Would he be able to go back?
Talk about over thinking it!
Those are just two anecdotes, but they reflect a larger trend. In her new book Where Have All The Good Men Gone? A.J. Kiesling reports her findings from an in-depth survey of 120 single Christian women. What was their most common complaint about men? Kiesling reports: “Over and over I heard the words, ‘I wish men would step up to the plate and take a risk in asking me out.’”
Here is feedback that Kiesling received directly from real-world single Christian women about Christian men.
“God didn’t create you to be passive. Pursuit seems to be obsolete, but we still want to be pursued.”
“It seems like men aren’t willing to take the risk of asking a woman out, since they don’t have to anymore. There are plenty of women who will chase them, yet I won’t. I want them to pursue me.”
“Quit saying, ‘I’m waiting on God to bring me my future mate.’ What a cop-out! You’re scared, and you’re afraid of being hurt or rejected and — gasp! — you might be tempted to have sex!”
So why are Christian men not stepping up to the plate? What’s behind this trend? I think there are at least a couple of factors.
First, our increasingly politically correct culture tells guys that women have equal responsibility when it comes to initiating the relationship. These days women are encouraged to be more aggressive while men risk appearing domineering if they get the ball rolling.
But here’s the rub. While such political correctness is peddled in higher education and the media, it usually doesn’t apply in the real world, where women still appreciate a man with the gumption and guts to make the first move. Kiesling writes, “The world may have moved on, become hip and high-tech and politically correct, but old-fashioned values persist in our very make-up.” Part of that make-up is a desire to be pursued. There are ways that women can encourage men to initiate a relationship, but that’s a topic that the highly skilled Boundless regulars have covered well.
The second factor is even more pervasive and hazardous to single Christian guys. An exaggerated sense of spiritual propriety can also prevent relationships from forming. I’ve met a lot of guys who seem to equate romantic passivity with spiritual superiority. In these cases the thinking goes something like this: If I wait and pray patiently, God will drop a woman right into my lap.
Such guys could use some advice from my 88-year-old grandfather. He might seem like an unlikely source of dating wisdom, but he gave me a talk during my single days that I think every Christian guy needs to hear.
My grandfather is a retired pastor. Most of his time he spends deep in prayer with a huge King James Bible splayed open on his lap. When he broached the topic of women with me, I wasn’t sure where he’d go. Would he urge caution? Exhort purity? Instead he pointed to a verse that I knew well, Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”
I knew finding a wife was a good thing. Was he trying to rub it in that I was still single?
No, he was pointing out that the verse implied that I had a responsibility in making it happen.
His mouth turned up at one edge.
“Find,” he pointed out, “is a verb.”
When I met my future wife, I knew it was my responsibility to initiate the relationship even though I was scared to death to make the first move. I still remember showing up at her doorstep with flowers in my trembling hands.
I believe it’s the man’s responsibility to initiate the relationship. But that statement comes with some serious qualifiers. Though it is the guy’s job to pursue, that does not negate God’s role. God is still the best matchmaker. We should never rush into relationships by running roughshod over the leading of His Spirit. Only after prayer and careful consideration should we proceed.
It’s equally important that we be sensitive in reading women’s signals. Women want us to be proactive, but when the romantic feelings are not mutual, being aggressive is not cool — it’s creepy. If your advances receive chilly receptions, do not soldier on. Doing so will likely only fortify — not wear down — her defenses. Back off and behave like a brother. Once you’ve made your intentions clear, the ball is in her court. She’ll let you know if her feelings change.
But if you’re one of the myriad men sitting on the fence too scared or too “spiritual” to pursue a woman, it may be time to man-up and make a move. I know taking risks can be daunting. But often the most rewarding journeys begin with uneasy and faltering steps.
God created you to be a pursuer. So next time God brings a godly woman into your life, don’t sit around twiddling your thumbs. The love of your life could be passing you by.
1. Don’t be too available.
I’ve learned that if people know you’d bend your schedule to fit theirs, they are less likely to make the effort to hang out or spend time with you. May not be true for all people, but in my experience, it has been.