Conversations with very close friends within the past few weeks and my actions within the past few months have made me realize something very important in my life. I haven’t been living it right, for one. And that saddens me so much. Not many people know about it. I’ve been a hypocrite of all sorts, and I wish more people knew about everything so they could call me out on it way earlier. I almost lost a best friend because of it, from breaking her heart continuously, and not really caring what I was doing. Relationships are one of the most important things in my life right now, and I definitely don’t need to screw any more up. I’ve been “having fun” the way I’ve been living, but not actually happy with the way things were. And by “having fun”, I mean doing what everyone else was doing. Falling victim to the normal sins of college students. That’s all I was doing, right? …But I think now, it’s time to make a change. I’m tired of being around weed and drugs and alcohol 4 days out of a week. I’m tired of talking to guys that are totally wrong for me. I’m tired of giving bits of me away. I am stronger than all of that. I used to be, at least. Until I was broken down. I’m regaining my strength though, you better believe it. I have appreciated all of the little things that people have done for me lately. It has made me a much happier person. And I have found someone I can really connect to in many ways, and it’s absolutely wonderful. This person makes me want to be a much better person that I am, and follow what God lays on my heart and in my life. I don’t need to take actions according to my own desires. And I need to be especially patient with everything - especially in the whole dating scene. Too many boys in such a short period of time, and none of them were worth anything I went through. I am remaining single and free of that kind of engagement in my life right now. I need to focus on God and myself, and becoming the person that I want to be. Because I now know what I am looking for in myself, my friends, my decisions, and a future man. I’m tired of people taking relationships so lightly, passing around the word “love” like it’s a dog toy. I want my future relationships with God and other people to have meaning and purpose. To be pursued. To last. That is what I am aiming for, and I just have to be patient in my wanting.